Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Worst Halloween Treats You Can Receive

As candy goes, Rockets are not all so bad, but like rice in your burrito, it's basically a filler. These tablets of pressed sugar are nothing to be excited about, and you'll be lucky to amass enough of these to trade for real treats.

Mellocreme Pumpkins
An example of sweet gone wrong. Eating one is enough to make an average child sick, and three or more will guarantee diabetes.

Many a child's Halloween have been ruined to find that they were given dried fruit. This 'treat' even tries to warn eaters by clumping together and fusing to the inside of the box, but dozens of children still consume them and burst into tears every year.

Plain No Name Potato Chips
In the last decade far too many parents have resorted to giving out mini bags of potato chips as a substitute for creativity. Each bag contains 2-3 broken chips and deceptively fills a pillowcase. A child looks to Halloween as a chance to delight in a series of special candies and sweet treats, not to eat several hundred bags of the most common snack food available.

I'm not talking about carnival style candied apples that make a mess of everything, the king of this list is the plain boring ass apple. While receiving apples for Halloween is a good way to discern the squares in your neighborhood, it's the equivalent of getting socks for Christmas. As we all know, eating healthy food on October 31st is a good way to be banished, and apples have caused so much trouble that people even began the "razor blade" rumor in the hopes that this hell fruit would cease being a Halloween giveaway.


Sam said...

5 best?

Very McToaster said...

That razor blad in an apple "rumor" is not just a rumor, it accualy happened, but the blade was put in the apple by a family member, same with the "poison candies" these candies were poisoned by family members. Im surprised black nibbs didnt make your list, since you bashed black licorice last time you racist bastard

Brenda said...

I normally avoid commenting so ridiculously long after the fact, but really? Toothbrushes don't make the list?

Cole D'Arc said...

and commenting nearly a year after Brenda's post i say: toothbrushes don't count because this list is about food. we can't break our list rules; there'd be anarchy!