We all know the Friday the 13th films for the flagrant use of gore and teenage sex, but we can't ignore just how hilarious some moments can be in this horror franchise. This year, I thought it might be nice to highlight some of my favourite funny dialogue from the series.
5. "We love premarital sex!" - VR Teen Girl #1 and #2 (Kaye Penaflor and Tania Maro)
Jason, who has now become some kind of cybernetic super killer (ugh), is stalking the last of his would-be prey throughout a spaceship in the distant future (double ugh). In a last ditch effort to give themselves some time to escape, the remaining crew turn on a VR simulation of Crystal Lake as it would have been in the 80s.
Instantly the landscape changes to a picturesque sunset over the breathtaking Crystal Lake. As Jason turns to take it all in he sees two young, supposedly teenage girls standing scantily clad just a few feet away.
One has a beer in her hand and the other a joint. They then go into this hilarious exchange about how much they love to drink and smoke pot. Then they bust out about how much they love to have premarital sex and begin to strip off right there.
As funny as that is, it isn't the punch line. We cut back to the crew, frantically trying to use this time to their advantage and when we return to the VR scene, we see that Jason has stuffed the two girls into sleeping bags and is smashing them off some trees. This is a nice nod to Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, for those in the know.
It's just nice to see that the film wasn't taking itself too seriously (which it couldn't... I mean, future Jason in space, remember people?) and Todd Farmer, the writer of the film, threw in this cute little nod to the yesteryears of the series.
4. "Sit on it, Tonto!" - Officer Dorf (Ron Millkie)
Officer Dorf is one of those pumped up, over-confident, big men cops. When he gets a call to check out Camp Crystal Lake he makes sure to impose his presence over the youngsters there.
I believe this scene is mostly improvised by Millkie and the whole thing comes off as comedic gold. He plays this perfect cross between total jerk and benign dork. He starts off by asking the counsellors if they're smoking a plethora of drugs, trying to use their "lingo", and ensures to impress his authority on all the young people before speeding off into the wilderness.
One of the funniest parts is that Millkie had no idea how to ride a motorcycle, so when he attempts to start it up before leaving he just looks so stupid, it adds to the dorkiness of the Officer Dorf character. A stunt double from the local Sheriff's department had to be hired to drive the motorcycle away for the rest of the shot.
3. "God, I'm horny." - Jim (Crispin Glover)
Sitting in the back of the packed station wagon, Jim is pouring his soul out to his best friend Teddy about his girlfriend, Betty, dumping him. Ted makes sure to crunch the numbers as to why ol' Jimbo might have lost his girl into his trusty imaginary computer. The result: Jim is a "dead fuck".
I found the dialogue between these two to actually be well written, which is certainly not a staple of the series. But best of all was their camaraderie. You actually feel like this is two best friends giving each other shit. I can't say that for the rest of the group. They almost seem like strangers, but not Teddy and Jim.
To make any of the scenes between these two characters even better, Jim is played by Crispin Glover. To say he's a strange person would be an understatement. Glover is known to often improvise his scenes and add stuff into them that is completely inexplicable (i.e. the dancing scene later in the film). After he and Teddy talk about Jim's problems, leaving Jim feeling completely demoralized and less of a man, he quietly utters into his own hands, "God, I'm horny."
I lose it laughing every single time he does that.
2. "Those damn enchiladas!" - Demon (Miguel A. Nunez, Jr.)
These last two entries are actually from the same film, Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning. The dark horse of the Friday franchise, Part V is a new take on the mythos of the films that most people either love or hate.
I happen to love this movie.
It's actually a pretty extreme movie that has a lot of everything. It has boobs, blood and a twist ending. One thing it certainly doesn't lack in is comedy.
In this scene we see Reggie (the Wreckless) meeting his brother Demon in a trailer park, where Demon is staying with his new girlfriend. Of course as soon as you see these two you know that the only reason for them to have met up with Reggie was so that they could be offed in horrible fashion later in the film.
Once Reggie hits the road Demon chills out with a nice joint and some Mexican food to relax for the evening (because eating Mexican while sleeping within the confines of a van is a great idea). Suddenly he leaps up from the back of van and screeches for the bathroom screaming, "Those daaaamn enchiladas!"
After you've had a good laugh at that line, you're treated to one of the most inexplicable scenes in the series. His girlfriend shows up to scare him by shaking the shithouse he's in. Demon then drops the manly line, "You're gonna get it, bitch!" Once the two have settled down, they decide that this is an opportune time to sing love songs to one another.
This is, of course, capped off by Jason having his way with the two of them, but up until then the scene is just too strange to believe, and has me in stitches every time I watch the movie.
1. "Holy shit! Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?" - Ethel (Carol Locatell)
As funny as the stuff with Demon is, it doesn't hold a candle to any of the scenes that include Ethel and Junior Hubbard. Ethel and Junior are town legends for their crazy, red-necked antics. I can't possibly choose just one scene that they're in to highlight in this list, so you'll just have to go watch the movie and see it all for yourself.
One of my favourite lines, though, does come from Ethel when she meets up with a drifter looking for a bed and a hot meal. She is startled by the man at her step and screams out, "Holy shit! Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want!?" The shocked look on her face coupled with multiple f-bombs from this diminutive woman totally land the line
As she relays what just happened to her to half-witted son, Junior, the two have a hilarious back and forth, in which Ethel proceeds to call her son a "big dildo" and force feeds the man her "stew". Having watched this movie many times, my best estimates are that this stew includes copious amounts of water, some kind of green garnish, tomatoes, whole chicken parts and chunks of carrots. Whatever the case, Junior can't heave the stuff into his gullet fast enough.
Every single scene that Ethel is in, she steals, but Junior plays a great prop for her antics and the two make what I consider to be the best comedy pairing of the entire series, bar none.
Now that I've talked about all these great (and not-so-great) movies, why don't you go out and watch a few! Happy Friday the 13th!